Regretful Things

Hot in the news are stories about what is being coined road rage. Again our roads are becoming places of verbal outrage battered back and forth. In some cases that rage is becoming more physical or threatening. Some of the news media has contributed this to the added stress of the economy and direction of our country. Consider this, if the highly visible problems around the nation are being considered factors contributing to the visible stress of the people. How many problems are being hidden behind closed doors?

Romans 12:9 “Let love be genuine, Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good”.

There are times we are all under points of stress. Whether it be work, money, or other people we can feel pressure all around us. If we do not manage that stress then we have a tendency of exploding at the most inopportune times. After exploding we replay the events and gain insight into how we were behaving. That time of reflection causes a sinking feeling in your chest. What do you do now?
It is important that we all put some tools in place to manage the stress we are under. If we do not manage our stress then our outbursts can cause hurt to those we love the most. Those moments can destroy our witness to others as well. So many marriages fall apart because of the hurt caused by these moments. Individual couples will need to discuss processes and develop ways of releasing stress in their relationship. I will make some suggestions, but it is important that you find methods that work for you.

Schedule
I have been involved in a lot of high stress careers. Because of things that would occur at work I would come home heavy hearted. I would share events that happened from my shift to get them off my mind, but never considered the impact on my wife. We recognized the need for this time, but also realized we needed to do something for my wife as well. We put together a schedule for our household. For the first 30 minutes after I get home we would talk about my time at work and her day. After the 30 minutes we focus on the family and things around the house.

Activity
We figured out that there are times when I just needed to physically unload some of the pent up stress from the day. Frustration would cause me to feel knotted up and angry. We found something that would benefit the household as well. We would gather wood rounds and when I would come home I would go out and split wood. If I was splitting wood, then everyone in the family knew I was venting proactively and would allow me the time uninterrupted. I would come in and talk after I was a bit more collected.

Venting
There are times that we would both voice the frustrations from the day. Yell, cry or just talk through the day. It is critical that you allow total honesty and not take offense of anything said. You need to create a safe place for the both of you. Nothing said while venting can be used against each other later. It is important to identify that you are going to take a venting moment (or in some cases, have just taken a venting moment). This will help prepare both of you for the exercise to follow. Understand that this is an open time that all emotion and random thoughts can be voiced. After venting understand that you may both be exhausted. Let each other recover before you try to engage in further conversation.

Delay response
If a situation arises that sets you off, take a moment. Walk away for a short time and consider what was said. How do you best respond to avoid regret later? In some cases it may be best not to respond. It is important that if your spouse voices they need a moment you give them that room. Come back together with cool minds and emotions. By waiting you most likely won’t regret what you say or cause hurt.

Whatever method you decide is best for you and your family; don’t be rigid on one set plan. As you grow and mature situations may change and with it process will change also. It is important that you keep communication open. Learn how to manage your reactions because of emotion. Be wise and teach your children well also. You are modeling communication tools that your kids will adopt in their own life.