My absolute favorite feeling is after surfing for a day. My skin is cool from the water and I would come in and lay out on the soft sand and let the sun warm me up. Laying back totally relaxed from a great morning with my muscles flaccid and exhausted, ocean breeze blowing by so it’s not too hot and hearing the ocean waves rolling in the background. This is my perfect moment.
Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life”.
Are you content or complacent in your marriage? Just like that perfect moment of contentment there was work involved. I think too many people confuse complacency as being content. Being afraid to desire because you don’t want to be sinning is just silly rational for not doing anything. Caught in a cycle of just living life without any goals or desires for the future.
How do couples and families get stuck in this cycle of existence? There are many possible causes. The most common I can see is crisis or tragedy. Being run over by a SUV caused some complacency in my life for a bit. Fortunately, my wife was aware enough to intervene when she saw me showing signs of depression. Losing my ability to do many of the activities I enjoyed really drove me to a place of complacency while I was focused on what I lost. I forgot about the many things I enjoyed doing with my wife because I was wrapped up in the can not do’s I was given by the doctors caring for me.
Finances can play a big part in things you stop doing also. Recently, I was reminded of something we stopped doing because of limited financial resources. A pleasure we enjoyed that just required a little creativity and the blessing of a friend to resolve and restore. I realized that it was not something I needed to stop doing, just needed to be a little more creative in accomplishing. In our case my wife and I enjoy live theater. Rather than being discouraged because we cannot afford large-scale performances, we realized we were equally entertained and relaxed in a small community venue. Look at your particular situation and likes and see if there is a way you can still experience those events or things that bring you both joy.
Goals can play a big role in marriage conflict and complacency. Early in your marriage you should come together and write down your goals. List personal goals for each of you as well as couple goals. List tangible and non-tangible items. If you have a desire, list it. If you want to conquer a fear, include it on the plan. I believe that God gives us desires to strive for and accomplish together. Through your life you will need to occasionally revisit and re-evaluate those goals. Celebrate the accomplishments, marvel at the ones that are no longer important, and make new ones. As we live, grow, and change together so will our goals and priorities. I believe couples that do not keep active goals together will lose their drive and just begin existing. Two ships passing day by day, mooring together every once in a while because that is what is expected.
Find contentment in your marriage. Use planning tools. Communicate with each other. Set active goals that you support each other in reaching. Work together to manage limitations. And encourage each other. This is the formula for contentment. Life is going to change and unexpected things will occur. One or the other of you will be down every so often. The key is to recognize these moments and encouraging each other through. Being together and valuing each other is critical to your life. Overcoming struggles just makes you stronger together.
Are you going to let life dictate your mood and relationship or are you going to dictate your mood and your life together?
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