When a soldier loses a leg or arm they talk about phantom pains. The limb is no longer there, but they swear they can feel it. He or she feels the sensations of movement and the pain of that damaged limb. Even though the limb is gone the pain is very real. Treating the soldier requires you to accept the pain is real and treat the pain as well as the person.
Psalms 35:17 “How long, O Lord, will you look on? Rescue me from their destruction, my precious life from the lions!”
How many conflicts could be avoided if we just listened and avoided the situation from the start? What begins as an innocent moment or event can become a crisis in our marriage. When the green eyed monster rears its head we must evaluate the situation and address the markers that prompted it. Jealousy is not always a negative response or mistrust, but a protective action for the marriage. Embrace it without offense and talk through what is going on. Infidelity, even implied can cause irreparable damage. Take the warning signs seriously to avoid a lifetime of pain.
If you have worked on your marriage from the start you should have established good communication skills. Utilize those skills.
Consider your image when you are out and about. There are many pitfalls in the world that married couples need to be aware of. Social events, work, even the computer can offer traps to a couple. In themselves innocent and mundane, but in the hands of some can become an arena for misconceptions and deceptions. Do not let yourself get in those situations. Either implied or reality they can leave the same wounds. From the outside what does your behavior imply? For example: having lunch with a co-worker every day in itself is nothing, but if you begin to move to a more secluded location and your conversations become hushed and distant implies something else. If your conversation at home is all about that co-worker it can cause insecurity. Be aware of what you are doing and what compromises others are encouraging you to do. Do not leave things open to become something damaging.
Know yourself and what weaknesses you have. For instance, I know I am a rescuer by nature. If someone needs help, I will go out of my way to make things all better. Not only is it part of my character, but I have invested a lot of time and education to condition my responses. There are those that play the damsel in distress well. If my wife and I did not have clear communication it would have been easy to slip into one of those traps. Be sensitive to the intuition of your wife when the barbs come up. This is not a time to argue or fight, but to listen and figure out what the signs your spouse is reacting to and begin distancing yourself from the hazard.
Midlife crisis is another excuse of the world for childish behaviors and throwing caution to the wind. Mortality has been thrown in your face and you scramble to regain your youth. Reality is, you cannot run away from reality, and the damage because you try affects everyone around you. You destroy the trust of your spouse and show your children a behavior that may encourage them to avoid responsibility and become destructive themselves. Do not regret what you have not done, be blessed by the things you have done. Reflect on family, friends, and successes. Do not compromise your values for a moment.
Life is fragile and we need to help each other. Not only should a couple be careful, but the friends you surround yourself with can help as well. When they recognize you doing something foolish or compromising be receptive to them correcting you. Family can be a great assistance as well. Use your family as a gage of your behavior. If they feel that they can’t be honest you probably shouldn’t be doing whatever you are thinking.
Self time and selfish time are totally different. To take a moment for you is alright. Regroup and find value in yourself and the things you are doing or to study in order to better yourself. On the other hand to shift and ignore the needs of everyone else around for self pleasure or gratification is wrong and destructive. Beware of those that encourage that destructive behavior. They are not your friends. Do not open yourself up to the manipulation of others or compromising situations. They do not have the investment of love and life that your spouse does.
Be devoted and honorable to your spouse and go through the adventure together.
No comments:
Post a Comment