Re-Evaluate Marriage Needs and Goals...

Several years ago we let my older boys get some video games, that after seeing them, we decided our youngest son didn’t need to play them. It’s been several years since that decision was made. Now that his friends are playing similar games he would like to play them also. He has asked if we would relook at the games and see if we could let him play them with his older brothers. We realized we need to honor this request. Not that we will change our stance. He simply has a desire that we look at the game now that he is older.


I Peter 2:16 “Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God.”

Marriages go through changes as well. You each grow older, needs change, and the desires of your heart shift. Every so often you need to take time to re-evaluate things in your life. Some things will be tangible changes other things will be emotion based. If you have plans and goals written down this helps the process along.

Start with tangible changes that you both can grasp. Many times we have accomplished the goals we originally set, but don’t realize we surpassed those earmarks. Taking the time does not mean you have to change the direction you are going, but to make sure it is still what both of you want. Life events may change priorities and it may be as simple as the duration of time for a specific goal. Moving things sooner or later based on events and changes in family. A child born or parent dying can really alter priorities in our own lives. Look at the goals you have written down. Acknowledge when you see you have accomplished some plans and consider all things listed that are still unattained. Have your goals changed in some way or do you have different needs? These are the things you can put your finger on and measure. Make sure that these goals are attainable and not dreams that are so far reaching they will be a constant source of frustration. By setting goals together that list individual needs, needs as a couple, and family needs you are aware and help each other accomplish them.

The area that is most difficult to measure and monitor is the emotional changes you both go through. As you age and mature your needs will also change. Emotional needs are harder to measure so communication is critical. Be honest with each other. This is not a time to be sensitive, but listen to each other. Are you meeting each other’s needs?

Time:
Consider the time you spend together and apart. Is this enough or do you need something to change. Are there other time needs you need facilitated for each other? (Church, friends, family) Discuss how to best serve those needs.

Touch:
Touch is an area that can be significant. How much contact and type of contact you need from each other can be an area never discussed. Because you never talk about it, the problem is addressed after you are no longer willing to discuss it.

Sex:
This is a time to talk about sex. Are you satisfying each other? What foreplay do you both need and want? Has your wife reached an orgasm or does she have no idea what an orgasm feels like? Has she had children? Things may be different after the trauma of childbirth and you will need to explore this as well. Many times we gain new aches and pains that take the pleasure away. Rather than simply tolerating the pain, talk about it. Your spouse may be tolerating the pain as well trying to satisfy you.

Communication:
Communication can change as well. Figure out what location best suits your communication together. As your family grows it may be harder to find somewhere private that you can relax and talk. Some things will change in how you show your love for each other. I know over time some of the cute little poems and notes were harder to think of. Not that my love for my spouse was any less, but they just didn’t flow as freely and were frustrating. If you were doing anything like this, talk about it. Don’t just simply stop doing it.

How many times are you discouraged or disappointed when you lose something? This change can cause conflict if you don’t take the time to talk about the disappointment. Cry together, laugh together and enjoy each other as you talk about how your body and mind are getting older. Most of all accept the importance of recognizing each other’s changes, needs and desires.