I love sitting on the beach, looking out at the movement of the sea. The beauty and power of the waves exhilarate me as they rush towards the shore. Starting out as a small bump it gains power. As it contacts the ocean floor it increases in size. Finally, it changes shape and shows its power. Quickly, it goes from the ripple that passes under to an incredible force. I am simply amazed by the power of a wave.
Luke 2:19 “But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart”.
Now that you have asked the question you have entered a whole new realm in your relationship. There are several traditions and activities that surround this time, but most important it is a time of preparation. Engagement is a time of special events and planning. What was a quiet commitment between the both of you is now public. You have announced to the world that you are a couple and have welcomed that same audience to celebrate with you or even critique the possibilities before you.
Parties:
There will be parties to celebrate the upcoming wedding, but also a time to gather friends and family around. They will shower you with fun and playful banter, but also ask the questions you need to think through. Friends will share embarrassing moments both from your life and theirs. A new bond is forming and deeper character is being exposed.
Questions:
This is an opportunity for you to ask specific questions regarding marriage. Look at your families and analyze what their marriages are like. What elements do you want in your marriage and what things do you want to do differently? You may even discuss why your parents did or didn’t do certain thing. It is possible they wanted the same things, but it was not possible because of circumstances and situations. Consider events, emotions and choices your parents made. You may be faced with many similar choices in your life.
Do not be surprised by the millions of questions you will be asked. Like a celebrity before a camera, many will want to know, no topic is sacred, and the settings are unpredictable. Ponder every question and answer truthful from your heart. This is not a time to offer a quick answer. Those around care about you and desire you to make the best choices possible for your life. Some questions do not require an answer, but simply offer something to think about. Be willing, not agitated.
Birth Control:
Make sure you have discussed birth control, as well as children. Have a plan. Consider on occasion they do not work. If you are planning on using something like the pill remember it takes some time for it to metabolize in your system to do the job. Consult wise council on this topic at least ninety days before your wedding day. Discuss alternatives, both types and applications. (Note: ooh gross is a normal response to some options.)
Emotions:
Consider the emotions you will be feeling. You need to get a handle on yourselves. As you begin to move to the next stage of your relationship you feel even more exhilarated. If you don’t keep your hormones in check they will run away with you. Those same hormones will make your wedding day the best day possible if you wait. Your emotions are flying high during this time in your life so you will discover a newer intensity in your senses. Your reactions will be more magnified in a way you have never felt before. You have found a new sense of happiness when you are together and longing when you are apart. Understand your feelings. Talk to your parents about their experiences or a trusted friend. You are going to be sensitive and you need someone to help keep you balanced. You may also need or want some more accountability, hormones are a powerful thing, it is okay to have reinforcements to help you keep them under control.
Just like the wave, the energy and speed of events and emotions will move faster and faster as you get closer to your wedding. Doubts may also materialize at this time. Explore those thoughts too. If during you engagement you or your future spouse struggle with infidelity you need to slow down and take a reality check. Marriage does not fix problems. Nor will it stop abuse, only magnify it. Lust and conquest are not love. Self confidence is not gained by uniting with another. A marriage relationship is a special union of intimacy and friendship, strengthened and intensified by love and faith. Your engagement time is that final opportunity to check and double check your commitment. The unique pressures will expose the flaws or the beauty. Infidelity and abuse are not going to get better after you are married. You cannot change the other person to suit you. Most likely you will compromise to suit them after you are married. This is the time to figure things out before the marriage commitment. Embrace your engagement, enjoy it, learn from it, and utilize the moments to their fullest.
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