How many times have you heard a child come to their parents saying, “I’m Bored”? You look in their room and it’s brimming with toys. They own the newest game system, cell phone, and high tech computer. There is stimulation for their mind, physical body, and optic nerves and yet they are still not satisfied. How on earth can they be bored?
Philippians 2:14,15 “Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God, without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world”.
Bored is a developed misconception. I know many couples that talk about being bored in their relationship. They believe, like that child, they need and deserve something or someone more. Being overindulged as a child only validated this behavior and emotion. So how do we get to this point?
First of all we need to consider the emotion involved. It is not that we have really become bored, but have no other way of describing the emotion we are feeling. Stop for a minute to consider what is going on. Every whim or desire is right in front of us. We know what to expect mechanically. What is it we are looking for? We want connection. For some reason we feel we are not connecting and so we look for a way to stimulate that relationship. Rather than identifying the real problem we find a way to illicit a reaction. Quick solutions never solve the missing need. Just like a child with the room full of toys doesn’t need another toy.
Identify what it is that is missing. What is it about your relationship that has changed or is not satisfying anymore? Some things can be identified and simply resolved. When we are focused on one thing and drive to accomplish it, such as a career, we can let other parts of our life slide. We might have stopped talking, touching, laughing, smiling, or any other of many different behaviors that stimulated our marriage. The need that comes out as bored is simply finding what has been lost in our marriage. We may need to address additional stress or other outside influences.
What was the core of the marriage that brought two people together? Just like when dating before married, there are emotions and behaviors that reinforced the connection. In the case of the child, they were not bored, but needed your attention and interaction. A new game or distraction temporarily relieved the need, but the need was there and still not satisfied. How many marriages break up because they didn’t figure out what they had left out, but still have a great friendship? If they had simply figured out what was missing in the relationship they could still be together, happily married. Not every case will fit this model. Just like not every person is the same. However, if the feeling comes up that you label as boredom, take a step back and figure out what you really need. It is not that you are bored with each other. There is something you both need. It is important to work together to figure it out. Be understanding.
Your marriage is worth the effort.
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