Mixed up or Blended

As the weather starts to shift and get warmer we start preparing for the summer. We plan vacations, camps for the kids, and anything else to fill the free time while it is warm. We pull out boats, wetsuits and life jackets from storage. Shop for new outfits and replace warn out clothing. We get all ready and the weather shifts to rain. What now?

I Corinthians 7:14 “For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace”.

Marriage is confusing enough if you really think about it. Two people are moving in together, married and now they have to learn how to care for each other. They need to find balance in both physical and emotional needs. They need to learn truly about each other. Then when they have it all figured out they mature a little more, get more education and everything changes again.

So considering this religion and beliefs can offer another challenge for a relationship. For example in the simple case, Christianity has many different denominations with different ways to worship. As you are dating it is a good time to explore each other’s beliefs so you can figure out if you can blend those beliefs together. Not making up your own religion, but abiding according to the rules and scripture you follow. Denominational rules are something you will have to decide on together. If you both have different beliefs all together there is even more conflict you will have to discuss. Do not try to sell yourself if you marry them they will change for you. If they are not willing to change before you are married they most likely not change after. Expectations of parents in this area, can also put additional strain on a relationship.

Be aware of the compromises you are willing to give in to. Is this changing who you are as a person and believer? What belief are you going to share with your children? The most confused are the ones trying to live in a mixture of both worlds suggesting tolerance of all religions. Religions of all types train up their people with conviction. No matter what the base there is an urgency to share your belief to offer a path for eternal happiness. In Christianity we believe strongly we serve the one and only living God. Through belief in Jesus Christ, not works, we are given the gift of eternal life. What is the basis of your belief?

Culture is another area that you are going to have to work out. Being we live in America we are exposed to many different cultures. When we are dating we may not consider cultural differences or expectations that may be placed on a marriage. In many ethnic cultures not only do you marry that other individual, but you accept responsibility for their family as well. Be sure you get along with the family and understand the social responsibilities you may be expected to maintain. There may be household expectations that you have not been exposed to growing up in a different type of household.

One example is what My wife calls the 1950’s housewife. She cooks, cleans, cares for the children and takes care of husband’s needs while he goes to work to provide for family. The modern twist to this is the same spouse is now sometimes expected to/or must work outside the home as well. Watch how the women behave in your spouse’s family. You will most likely be expected to function in a similar fashion. Are you prepared to live this way or do you desire a different lifestyle? Discuss who is the primary income earner or is it shared? Who is expected to manage the household? Or is it shared? You really need to talk these concepts through. Do not be critical of the way someone else has grown up, but consider if you can live in a similar environment. Discuss what you like and do not like of each family dynamic. Be clear about what you expect from each other.