Why do we put ourselves through this ritual of dating? What is the goal to dating? ( Sex, Friendship, Socializing, Escape, Marriage, Etc) With all the pressure of life, why on earth is dating important?
James 4:14 “You do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”
So often we try to shortcut life. Speed dating, online dating services, mail order marriages, One night stands, or no string relationship. Movies and television show people meeting, moving straight to the bedroom and sex. Hollywood relationships are falling apart in the media left and right because of infidelity. The world is putting a lot of effort into promoting following your feelings, being spontaneous, and living the “grand life”. What is so grand about your life if you are on the fast track and not experiencing it? What is life without happiness!
So why is dating important? Dating begins before marriage to get to know each other. Explore likes and dislikes to find friends that we are compatible with. Dating is often times informal and relaxed so that we can sincerely focus on each other. It may vary between time with one other person or sometimes a group. We spend time sorting through people and finding that one person we have significant interest in. Wahoo, we have made a choice. Now what? We start to focus our time with that one other person. We talk about everything from food, music, family and sex. This is the point in a relationship where we have to define boundaries. Physically, how far is too far? (Teens ask this all the time).
Side Note: Right now I would like to suggest setting that bar at a comfortable place for both of you. Sex is the final step in the marriage ceremony to shift a couple from two flesh to one. Emotionally and physically you are joined together. Save this precious moment together for after your wedding and you will have a far more fulfilling relationship.
This is the point we meet each others parents and start talking about life goals and desires. If everything seems to click we make the next move, Marriage! Beautiful ceremony or justice of the peace, it doesn’t matter. Now you are married and ready for a life of bliss, or are you? You have closed the deal and now you have your spouse. Why does dating matter now? Dates together after marriage are to further your commitment to each other. By devoting specific time to each other you do not allow work and other influences to distract or divide your relationship. This is a time set aside focusing on each other. Not just our normal end to each day. (Until, it is more natural I would suggest putting this time on each others schedule or to-do list.) Dates after being married keep us connected to each other. As we grow and mature this is a time to discuss both physical and emotional changes and explore what we need to keep our marriage alive and interesting. Dates do not need to be complicated, but distractions need to be limited. If the household is only the two of you then a special dessert at home may be just what is needed. If you live with a house full of kids, like us, you may need to be away from the house and kids or may need to choose a different time after the kids are in bed. Being married comes with needs. Have fun shopping at the market together choosing the meals for the next week. Maybe pick out something special that you look forward to on a designated time. After marriage you have to be much more creative with your dates to keep things interesting.
I didn’t learn some of this till after I was run over by a SUV in 2007. So if you have been married for awhile, but had not been setting time aside don't be disheartened. Life is short and my opportunity to do things with my wife and family was almost cut short. There are many things that have changed because I can no longer physically do them. I have learned though that the simple things can be even more special. It is a reminder that life is fragile and can be gone in an instant.
Let me challenge you to schedule time for each other and follow through. Nothing is more important in this world than each other!
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