Married in Sickness and in Health

For those that are young I suggest taking care of your bodies. As you grow older injuries and illness add stress to living. The more pain you suffer, the more struggles for your family to manage as well. To my wife, I look at your face and see the worry and struggle you bear, the finances you juggle, and the children you encourage through it all. Thank you for being there!

I Corinthians 10:23 “All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful, but not all things build up”.

I made a choice November 2007 to get out of my car and help a friend. While there I was run over by a SUV that crushed my pelvis. My intention was to help and there was nothing wrong with that, but because of that choice my family carries a burden. The stress that has been placed on my wife because of this event has changed a lot of things in our lives and relationship, but through it we are even closer. In one instant or if one thing had gone differently I would not be here today. I had some control of my circumstances, but not everyone gets that chance. I have friends and acquaintances that are dealing with different types of cancer, heart issues, and other disease processes. I have watched depression rip through families. The struggles in those marriages are the same. Their spouses look on with helplessness as they have no way to help. In some cases that helplessness causes such conflict that they run away. Their relationship dissolves and bitterness replaces that amazing love they had for each other.

Why do some marriages endure and others crumble? I believe it is the foundation that their relationship is built on. The marriage built on physical needs falls apart when your body fails either by age or injury. If your marriage is built on success it goes the direction of the money or status. There are those marriages that are built on a strong foundation in both love and friendship that crisis hits and they still crash. So what makes the difference?

The difference is the counsel that surrounds us. Start with the model of our parents. Our parents modeled relationships that endured through the good times and bad. They are also there to offer wise counsel. They may not always agree with us in everything we do, but they are an encouragement to our marriage. Evaluate your parents when you have a chance. Will they be a good example and source of encouragement when you go through struggles? If not maybe you need to limit their influence in your relationship.

Friends can play a huge role in your successful marriage. Who are the friends that you stay in close contact with? Are they friends that encourage your relationship or do they encourage separation and independence? We have been blessed with friends that have come along side us and have encouraged us through the down times and celebrated in joy with us. We have a church family that has supported us when I was no longer able and taken time to encourage us through the day to day things. Those friendships have shifted as far as involvement based on needs of each other, but we are still there for each other when we call. Let me encourage you to find friends and people that will encourage you! The true friends are those that will be there during your deepest need! As you mature and grow together those friends should change, so do not be concerned. You want those of like mind to stay around, but those that cause conflict to move on. We do not do well as an island separated from other people, but it doesn’t mean we need to hold onto the same people through our entire lives. Relationships with friends will shift and flow like the tides of the ocean. Encourage each other and allow those changes to occur.

Understand that not only do we mature and change, but our bodies will change also. There will be times we look at each other and just do not like each other, but that does not mean we do not love one another. Do not fret these times, but embrace them. We grow in this way If we dig down and remember why we love each other those feeling too will pass and our relationship will become even stronger for it. There will be a time when youth is gone. Look beyond the appearance and find pleasure in the true beauty that remains. Finally, when our health has faltered it is tough for everyone involved. By creating a solid foundation these struggles can be overcome easily. Many hands makes light work. Remember, marriage is Sacred!

Why Date?

Why do we put ourselves through this ritual of dating? What is the goal to dating? ( Sex, Friendship, Socializing, Escape, Marriage, Etc) With all the pressure of life, why on earth is dating important?

James 4:14 “You do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”


So often we try to shortcut life. Speed dating, online dating services, mail order marriages, One night stands, or no string relationship. Movies and television show people meeting, moving straight to the bedroom and sex. Hollywood relationships are falling apart in the media left and right because of infidelity. The world is putting a lot of effort into promoting following your feelings, being spontaneous, and living the “grand life”. What is so grand about your life if you are on the fast track and not experiencing it? What is life without happiness!

So why is dating important? Dating begins before marriage to get to know each other. Explore likes and dislikes to find friends that we are compatible with. Dating is often times informal and relaxed so that we can sincerely focus on each other. It may vary between time with one other person or sometimes a group. We spend time sorting through people and finding that one person we have significant interest in. Wahoo, we have made a choice. Now what? We start to focus our time with that one other person. We talk about everything from food, music, family and sex. This is the point in a relationship where we have to define boundaries. Physically, how far is too far? (Teens ask this all the time).

Side Note: Right now I would like to suggest setting that bar at a comfortable place for both of you. Sex is the final step in the marriage ceremony to shift a couple from two flesh to one. Emotionally and physically you are joined together. Save this precious moment together for after your wedding and you will have a far more fulfilling relationship.

This is the point we meet each others parents and start talking about life goals and desires. If everything seems to click we make the next move, Marriage! Beautiful ceremony or justice of the peace, it doesn’t matter. Now you are married and ready for a life of bliss, or are you? You have closed the deal and now you have your spouse. Why does dating matter now? Dates together after marriage are to further your commitment to each other. By devoting specific time to each other you do not allow work and other influences to distract or divide your relationship. This is a time set aside focusing on each other. Not just our normal end to each day. (Until, it is more natural I would suggest putting this time on each others schedule or to-do list.) Dates after being married keep us connected to each other. As we grow and mature this is a time to discuss both physical and emotional changes and explore what we need to keep our marriage alive and interesting. Dates do not need to be complicated, but distractions need to be limited. If the household is only the two of you then a special dessert at home may be just what is needed. If you live with a house full of kids, like us, you may need to be away from the house and kids or may need to choose a different time after the kids are in bed. Being married comes with needs. Have fun shopping at the market together choosing the meals for the next week. Maybe pick out something special that you look forward to on a designated time. After marriage you have to be much more creative with your dates to keep things interesting.

I didn’t learn some of this till after I was run over by a SUV in 2007. So if you have been married for awhile, but had not been setting time aside don't be disheartened. Life is short and my opportunity to do things with my wife and family was almost cut short. There are many things that have changed because I can no longer physically do them. I have learned though that the simple things can be even more special. It is a reminder that life is fragile and can be gone in an instant.

Let me challenge you to schedule time for each other and follow through. Nothing is more important in this world than each other!