The lion quietly approaches in the grass. The gazelle laps water from the nearby water hole. Unaware of the danger approaching, it raises its head to smell the air. Nothing alerts the gazelle of the doom that approaches. The grass explodes and fear catches the gazelle. Before it can even think it is trapped by the lion. How many marriages have been lost because of being unaware?
Proverbs 4:6 “Do not forsake her, and she will keep you; love her and she will guard you”.
Understand there are predators to your marriage. Those that would like to see your marriage fail or just desire to see you fall. Movies and television have cheapened the precious gift marriage is. Because of this attitude there are many that are unhappy. They watch to see those with the appearance of happiness and success and try to claim it for their own. Not only do they not find happiness here, but they destroy the happiness of that couple as well. Fight for your marriage and protect each other from those predators.
My wife calls it, “the cave man approach”. She is prepared to beat that predatory woman and drag me away. Chivalry was men fighting for the honor and appreciation of a woman in hopes of gaining favor and ultimately a wife. That honor was protected proudly even after they were married. I believe even today we like when are spouse is willing to fight for us. Not out of jealousy, but sincere value for their spouse and their relationship together.
Husbands, if your wife feels a woman is seeking your attention and wants you to avoid them. Honor that request. Women respond to emotions and will feel the conflict occur well before we may be aware there is a problem. Avoid situations that can put you in compromising positions and damage your marriage. Be there to protect your wife physically and emotionally. Do not allow men, especially friends, to treat them like a piece of meat. That man or friend may need to be physically removed from her presence and you should cut your relationship with them. Your wife is your most special piece of your life, treasure them.
Wives, it is okay to get your hackles up and defend your positions with your husband. There are women out there that would like to have the joy you appear to have. You may need to defend your ground and make your husband aware of the hazard. We like it when our wives are willing to fight for us as well. There is a sense of pride when we are valued enough that are wives are willing to fight for us. In the same way as husbands I would also encourage wives to avoid compromising situations.
Marriage has to be protected and in this day and age many would like to destroy it. Others try to modify the structure of marriage between one man and one woman so that they might be able to experience that same happiness. Reality is if a relationship is corrupt or perverse it will never find happiness. Don’t let them take the joy and pride of the marriage you have been blessed with away.
Fight for your marriage and the precious gift it offers you.
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Married in Sickness and in Health
For those that are young I suggest taking care of your bodies. As you grow older injuries and illness add stress to living. The more pain you suffer, the more struggles for your family to manage as well. To my wife, I look at your face and see the worry and struggle you bear, the finances you juggle, and the children you encourage through it all. Thank you for being there!
I Corinthians 10:23 “All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful, but not all things build up”.
I made a choice November 2007 to get out of my car and help a friend. While there I was run over by a SUV that crushed my pelvis. My intention was to help and there was nothing wrong with that, but because of that choice my family carries a burden. The stress that has been placed on my wife because of this event has changed a lot of things in our lives and relationship, but through it we are even closer. In one instant or if one thing had gone differently I would not be here today. I had some control of my circumstances, but not everyone gets that chance. I have friends and acquaintances that are dealing with different types of cancer, heart issues, and other disease processes. I have watched depression rip through families. The struggles in those marriages are the same. Their spouses look on with helplessness as they have no way to help. In some cases that helplessness causes such conflict that they run away. Their relationship dissolves and bitterness replaces that amazing love they had for each other.
Why do some marriages endure and others crumble? I believe it is the foundation that their relationship is built on. The marriage built on physical needs falls apart when your body fails either by age or injury. If your marriage is built on success it goes the direction of the money or status. There are those marriages that are built on a strong foundation in both love and friendship that crisis hits and they still crash. So what makes the difference?
The difference is the counsel that surrounds us. Start with the model of our parents. Our parents modeled relationships that endured through the good times and bad. They are also there to offer wise counsel. They may not always agree with us in everything we do, but they are an encouragement to our marriage. Evaluate your parents when you have a chance. Will they be a good example and source of encouragement when you go through struggles? If not maybe you need to limit their influence in your relationship.
Friends can play a huge role in your successful marriage. Who are the friends that you stay in close contact with? Are they friends that encourage your relationship or do they encourage separation and independence? We have been blessed with friends that have come along side us and have encouraged us through the down times and celebrated in joy with us. We have a church family that has supported us when I was no longer able and taken time to encourage us through the day to day things. Those friendships have shifted as far as involvement based on needs of each other, but we are still there for each other when we call. Let me encourage you to find friends and people that will encourage you! The true friends are those that will be there during your deepest need! As you mature and grow together those friends should change, so do not be concerned. You want those of like mind to stay around, but those that cause conflict to move on. We do not do well as an island separated from other people, but it doesn’t mean we need to hold onto the same people through our entire lives. Relationships with friends will shift and flow like the tides of the ocean. Encourage each other and allow those changes to occur.
Understand that not only do we mature and change, but our bodies will change also. There will be times we look at each other and just do not like each other, but that does not mean we do not love one another. Do not fret these times, but embrace them. We grow in this way If we dig down and remember why we love each other those feeling too will pass and our relationship will become even stronger for it. There will be a time when youth is gone. Look beyond the appearance and find pleasure in the true beauty that remains. Finally, when our health has faltered it is tough for everyone involved. By creating a solid foundation these struggles can be overcome easily. Many hands makes light work. Remember, marriage is Sacred!
I Corinthians 10:23 “All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful, but not all things build up”.
I made a choice November 2007 to get out of my car and help a friend. While there I was run over by a SUV that crushed my pelvis. My intention was to help and there was nothing wrong with that, but because of that choice my family carries a burden. The stress that has been placed on my wife because of this event has changed a lot of things in our lives and relationship, but through it we are even closer. In one instant or if one thing had gone differently I would not be here today. I had some control of my circumstances, but not everyone gets that chance. I have friends and acquaintances that are dealing with different types of cancer, heart issues, and other disease processes. I have watched depression rip through families. The struggles in those marriages are the same. Their spouses look on with helplessness as they have no way to help. In some cases that helplessness causes such conflict that they run away. Their relationship dissolves and bitterness replaces that amazing love they had for each other.
Why do some marriages endure and others crumble? I believe it is the foundation that their relationship is built on. The marriage built on physical needs falls apart when your body fails either by age or injury. If your marriage is built on success it goes the direction of the money or status. There are those marriages that are built on a strong foundation in both love and friendship that crisis hits and they still crash. So what makes the difference?
The difference is the counsel that surrounds us. Start with the model of our parents. Our parents modeled relationships that endured through the good times and bad. They are also there to offer wise counsel. They may not always agree with us in everything we do, but they are an encouragement to our marriage. Evaluate your parents when you have a chance. Will they be a good example and source of encouragement when you go through struggles? If not maybe you need to limit their influence in your relationship.
Friends can play a huge role in your successful marriage. Who are the friends that you stay in close contact with? Are they friends that encourage your relationship or do they encourage separation and independence? We have been blessed with friends that have come along side us and have encouraged us through the down times and celebrated in joy with us. We have a church family that has supported us when I was no longer able and taken time to encourage us through the day to day things. Those friendships have shifted as far as involvement based on needs of each other, but we are still there for each other when we call. Let me encourage you to find friends and people that will encourage you! The true friends are those that will be there during your deepest need! As you mature and grow together those friends should change, so do not be concerned. You want those of like mind to stay around, but those that cause conflict to move on. We do not do well as an island separated from other people, but it doesn’t mean we need to hold onto the same people through our entire lives. Relationships with friends will shift and flow like the tides of the ocean. Encourage each other and allow those changes to occur.
Understand that not only do we mature and change, but our bodies will change also. There will be times we look at each other and just do not like each other, but that does not mean we do not love one another. Do not fret these times, but embrace them. We grow in this way If we dig down and remember why we love each other those feeling too will pass and our relationship will become even stronger for it. There will be a time when youth is gone. Look beyond the appearance and find pleasure in the true beauty that remains. Finally, when our health has faltered it is tough for everyone involved. By creating a solid foundation these struggles can be overcome easily. Many hands makes light work. Remember, marriage is Sacred!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Why are we fighting anyway?
The military established rules of engagement long ago for two reasons: (1) to ensure we did not start a fight with allies or people just seeking to get out of the fight and (2) so that those under their command know when the battle is over without escalation due to excessive force. Law Enforcement has rules as well called Standards of Procedures or SOP’s to manage situations with as little conflict as possible. So why are there no rules for marriage?
Proverbs 24:3,4 “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches”.
The greatest home is the one that is peaceful and filled with love. Reality is we all have moments of conflict. The difference is how we deal with that conflict. How we manage arguments will define not only our relationship, but also the relationships of our children. I was given several rules to live by when I was newly married. I believe they were good principles that have helped keep our marriage whole.
(1) Was no name calling and swearing. By keeping the argument to the specific issue and not escalating by derogatory language we didn’t have argument spiral out of control. Staying on the issue also helps to resolve it sooner.
(2) Divorce is no longer in the dictionary. By removing the easy out we have to work through the issue and figure out what the real problem is. Marriage is not going to always be easy. Real marriages take work and by working you invest time and energy to work through things and take care of each other. We made a commitment for life and so it is worth the effort to make it the best possible.
(3) Do not go to bed mad. Spend the time to get to the bottom of the argument and mend the relationship. By not letting it fester over night or sleeping in separate rooms you keep things specific to needs and do not become historical.
(4) Do not be historical. If you have resolved a conflict let it be forgotten not used as salt in a wound over and over again. We all need correction from time to time, but it is important that the correction is kept to related time and event that has brought about the conflict.
Conflict can be caused by so many things in life I believe it is also important to figure out what is causing the conflict. Some things we have control and other things are outside factors we have no control. Consider these categories to narrow things down. (Money, Family, Schedule, and Other). If these things can be controlled we can put a plan together to manage it, if not we need to figure out how important it is and if we can live without it. Ask yourself, what do we need to survive and will this improve our marriage? If it is a need and it will improve your marriage then you need to work through to come up with a plan, if it is not a need and/or it won’t improve your marriage how do you minimize it or eliminate it all together. Outside family may not be something you can get rid of, but you can limit how much time you spend with them if they are tearing down your marriage. What else can you evaluate this way?
Money is often times a big conflict for all of us. Our desire for success and comfort can be different between people and the drive to reach our goals can cause a divide in our relationship. A simple fix is to set goals together that you both agree with and then put a plan of how to reach those goals. This may relate to careers, education and location in order to reach these goals, but if you are in agreement and supportive of each other the conflicts will be minimal.
Family can be a huge conflict between husbands and wives. Not only have you married each other, but now you have all these additional people you have to consider. Some things can be controlled and other things we must just support each other through. Parents will demand a lot of a new marriage, especially around different traditions like Christmas and Thanksgiving. A new couple really needs to define their own traditions and how they are going to work with the traditions of their parents. Children change some of the pressure we receive as a couple and during this time it is important that we support each other and the traditions we have decided on. It is also important to establish boundaries for our families so that they know what is expected as well as needed time. We may also need to set physical boundaries so that our privacy is respected.
Schedules are a difficult thing to manage for some of us. I am not a big time-clock type of person and am inclined to work until things are complete. I am also rescuer by nature, so I have a hard time setting aside my phone and focusing on my wife and family. Because of this there have been times I have not come home till late and times I have left my wife sitting while I ran off to help someone in need. I have had to learn to set a schedule and set aside my phone. It may mean turning off my phone at night or ignoring it if we are engaged in something as a family and follow up with it later.
Not only is the physical schedule an issue, but working as a medic I saw a lot of traumatic things. I would come home and want to talk about my shift with my wife. Some things were very hard for her to deal with. She wanted to encourage and support me so she would sit and listen until it finally caused to much crisis in her. In order to allow time to process for both of us before going to bed we set up a 30 min rule. For 30 Minutes after I got home we would talk about my shift and then we would stop and go to doing things and talk about other topics. This was healthy for both of us because it let us relax and not go to bed on the heavy emotions of the previous day. So many arguments were relieved simply by controlling our schedule and the discussions that surrounded our time.
Are outside events taking away from your time together such as bringing home work or the emotions from work? This can be easily remedied by simply putting a plan together how to get the things you need done and not take away from time together.
(My wife suggests when you come home do not go straight back to work, but spend time together and with your family. Set a specific time to do your work, start and finish. If you do not get it done, you need to still stop and if anything get up earlier in the morning to finish. Bring coffee in to your spouse at the time you would normally get up to nurture them because of the disruption of schedule. Even though they did not get up out of bed their sleep is impacted by getting up earlier.)
If you are having a hard time figuring out the cause of conflict or even working through an issue go to someone you both trust to help work through it or a counselor/ pastor. If you are seeking a counselor/ pastor, I would suggest you seek out a counselor that is currently married and has been married for some time as well as not currently involved in a divorce of their own.
Proverbs 24:3,4 “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches”.
The greatest home is the one that is peaceful and filled with love. Reality is we all have moments of conflict. The difference is how we deal with that conflict. How we manage arguments will define not only our relationship, but also the relationships of our children. I was given several rules to live by when I was newly married. I believe they were good principles that have helped keep our marriage whole.
(1) Was no name calling and swearing. By keeping the argument to the specific issue and not escalating by derogatory language we didn’t have argument spiral out of control. Staying on the issue also helps to resolve it sooner.
(2) Divorce is no longer in the dictionary. By removing the easy out we have to work through the issue and figure out what the real problem is. Marriage is not going to always be easy. Real marriages take work and by working you invest time and energy to work through things and take care of each other. We made a commitment for life and so it is worth the effort to make it the best possible.
(3) Do not go to bed mad. Spend the time to get to the bottom of the argument and mend the relationship. By not letting it fester over night or sleeping in separate rooms you keep things specific to needs and do not become historical.
(4) Do not be historical. If you have resolved a conflict let it be forgotten not used as salt in a wound over and over again. We all need correction from time to time, but it is important that the correction is kept to related time and event that has brought about the conflict.
Conflict can be caused by so many things in life I believe it is also important to figure out what is causing the conflict. Some things we have control and other things are outside factors we have no control. Consider these categories to narrow things down. (Money, Family, Schedule, and Other). If these things can be controlled we can put a plan together to manage it, if not we need to figure out how important it is and if we can live without it. Ask yourself, what do we need to survive and will this improve our marriage? If it is a need and it will improve your marriage then you need to work through to come up with a plan, if it is not a need and/or it won’t improve your marriage how do you minimize it or eliminate it all together. Outside family may not be something you can get rid of, but you can limit how much time you spend with them if they are tearing down your marriage. What else can you evaluate this way?
Money is often times a big conflict for all of us. Our desire for success and comfort can be different between people and the drive to reach our goals can cause a divide in our relationship. A simple fix is to set goals together that you both agree with and then put a plan of how to reach those goals. This may relate to careers, education and location in order to reach these goals, but if you are in agreement and supportive of each other the conflicts will be minimal.
Family can be a huge conflict between husbands and wives. Not only have you married each other, but now you have all these additional people you have to consider. Some things can be controlled and other things we must just support each other through. Parents will demand a lot of a new marriage, especially around different traditions like Christmas and Thanksgiving. A new couple really needs to define their own traditions and how they are going to work with the traditions of their parents. Children change some of the pressure we receive as a couple and during this time it is important that we support each other and the traditions we have decided on. It is also important to establish boundaries for our families so that they know what is expected as well as needed time. We may also need to set physical boundaries so that our privacy is respected.
Schedules are a difficult thing to manage for some of us. I am not a big time-clock type of person and am inclined to work until things are complete. I am also rescuer by nature, so I have a hard time setting aside my phone and focusing on my wife and family. Because of this there have been times I have not come home till late and times I have left my wife sitting while I ran off to help someone in need. I have had to learn to set a schedule and set aside my phone. It may mean turning off my phone at night or ignoring it if we are engaged in something as a family and follow up with it later.
Not only is the physical schedule an issue, but working as a medic I saw a lot of traumatic things. I would come home and want to talk about my shift with my wife. Some things were very hard for her to deal with. She wanted to encourage and support me so she would sit and listen until it finally caused to much crisis in her. In order to allow time to process for both of us before going to bed we set up a 30 min rule. For 30 Minutes after I got home we would talk about my shift and then we would stop and go to doing things and talk about other topics. This was healthy for both of us because it let us relax and not go to bed on the heavy emotions of the previous day. So many arguments were relieved simply by controlling our schedule and the discussions that surrounded our time.
Are outside events taking away from your time together such as bringing home work or the emotions from work? This can be easily remedied by simply putting a plan together how to get the things you need done and not take away from time together.
(My wife suggests when you come home do not go straight back to work, but spend time together and with your family. Set a specific time to do your work, start and finish. If you do not get it done, you need to still stop and if anything get up earlier in the morning to finish. Bring coffee in to your spouse at the time you would normally get up to nurture them because of the disruption of schedule. Even though they did not get up out of bed their sleep is impacted by getting up earlier.)
If you are having a hard time figuring out the cause of conflict or even working through an issue go to someone you both trust to help work through it or a counselor/ pastor. If you are seeking a counselor/ pastor, I would suggest you seek out a counselor that is currently married and has been married for some time as well as not currently involved in a divorce of their own.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Why Date?
Why do we put ourselves through this ritual of dating? What is the goal to dating? ( Sex, Friendship, Socializing, Escape, Marriage, Etc) With all the pressure of life, why on earth is dating important?
James 4:14 “You do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”
So often we try to shortcut life. Speed dating, online dating services, mail order marriages, One night stands, or no string relationship. Movies and television show people meeting, moving straight to the bedroom and sex. Hollywood relationships are falling apart in the media left and right because of infidelity. The world is putting a lot of effort into promoting following your feelings, being spontaneous, and living the “grand life”. What is so grand about your life if you are on the fast track and not experiencing it? What is life without happiness!
So why is dating important? Dating begins before marriage to get to know each other. Explore likes and dislikes to find friends that we are compatible with. Dating is often times informal and relaxed so that we can sincerely focus on each other. It may vary between time with one other person or sometimes a group. We spend time sorting through people and finding that one person we have significant interest in. Wahoo, we have made a choice. Now what? We start to focus our time with that one other person. We talk about everything from food, music, family and sex. This is the point in a relationship where we have to define boundaries. Physically, how far is too far? (Teens ask this all the time).
Side Note: Right now I would like to suggest setting that bar at a comfortable place for both of you. Sex is the final step in the marriage ceremony to shift a couple from two flesh to one. Emotionally and physically you are joined together. Save this precious moment together for after your wedding and you will have a far more fulfilling relationship.
This is the point we meet each others parents and start talking about life goals and desires. If everything seems to click we make the next move, Marriage! Beautiful ceremony or justice of the peace, it doesn’t matter. Now you are married and ready for a life of bliss, or are you? You have closed the deal and now you have your spouse. Why does dating matter now? Dates together after marriage are to further your commitment to each other. By devoting specific time to each other you do not allow work and other influences to distract or divide your relationship. This is a time set aside focusing on each other. Not just our normal end to each day. (Until, it is more natural I would suggest putting this time on each others schedule or to-do list.) Dates after being married keep us connected to each other. As we grow and mature this is a time to discuss both physical and emotional changes and explore what we need to keep our marriage alive and interesting. Dates do not need to be complicated, but distractions need to be limited. If the household is only the two of you then a special dessert at home may be just what is needed. If you live with a house full of kids, like us, you may need to be away from the house and kids or may need to choose a different time after the kids are in bed. Being married comes with needs. Have fun shopping at the market together choosing the meals for the next week. Maybe pick out something special that you look forward to on a designated time. After marriage you have to be much more creative with your dates to keep things interesting.
I didn’t learn some of this till after I was run over by a SUV in 2007. So if you have been married for awhile, but had not been setting time aside don't be disheartened. Life is short and my opportunity to do things with my wife and family was almost cut short. There are many things that have changed because I can no longer physically do them. I have learned though that the simple things can be even more special. It is a reminder that life is fragile and can be gone in an instant.
Let me challenge you to schedule time for each other and follow through. Nothing is more important in this world than each other!
James 4:14 “You do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”
So often we try to shortcut life. Speed dating, online dating services, mail order marriages, One night stands, or no string relationship. Movies and television show people meeting, moving straight to the bedroom and sex. Hollywood relationships are falling apart in the media left and right because of infidelity. The world is putting a lot of effort into promoting following your feelings, being spontaneous, and living the “grand life”. What is so grand about your life if you are on the fast track and not experiencing it? What is life without happiness!
So why is dating important? Dating begins before marriage to get to know each other. Explore likes and dislikes to find friends that we are compatible with. Dating is often times informal and relaxed so that we can sincerely focus on each other. It may vary between time with one other person or sometimes a group. We spend time sorting through people and finding that one person we have significant interest in. Wahoo, we have made a choice. Now what? We start to focus our time with that one other person. We talk about everything from food, music, family and sex. This is the point in a relationship where we have to define boundaries. Physically, how far is too far? (Teens ask this all the time).
Side Note: Right now I would like to suggest setting that bar at a comfortable place for both of you. Sex is the final step in the marriage ceremony to shift a couple from two flesh to one. Emotionally and physically you are joined together. Save this precious moment together for after your wedding and you will have a far more fulfilling relationship.
This is the point we meet each others parents and start talking about life goals and desires. If everything seems to click we make the next move, Marriage! Beautiful ceremony or justice of the peace, it doesn’t matter. Now you are married and ready for a life of bliss, or are you? You have closed the deal and now you have your spouse. Why does dating matter now? Dates together after marriage are to further your commitment to each other. By devoting specific time to each other you do not allow work and other influences to distract or divide your relationship. This is a time set aside focusing on each other. Not just our normal end to each day. (Until, it is more natural I would suggest putting this time on each others schedule or to-do list.) Dates after being married keep us connected to each other. As we grow and mature this is a time to discuss both physical and emotional changes and explore what we need to keep our marriage alive and interesting. Dates do not need to be complicated, but distractions need to be limited. If the household is only the two of you then a special dessert at home may be just what is needed. If you live with a house full of kids, like us, you may need to be away from the house and kids or may need to choose a different time after the kids are in bed. Being married comes with needs. Have fun shopping at the market together choosing the meals for the next week. Maybe pick out something special that you look forward to on a designated time. After marriage you have to be much more creative with your dates to keep things interesting.
I didn’t learn some of this till after I was run over by a SUV in 2007. So if you have been married for awhile, but had not been setting time aside don't be disheartened. Life is short and my opportunity to do things with my wife and family was almost cut short. There are many things that have changed because I can no longer physically do them. I have learned though that the simple things can be even more special. It is a reminder that life is fragile and can be gone in an instant.
Let me challenge you to schedule time for each other and follow through. Nothing is more important in this world than each other!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Agree to Disagree
So I have to ask the question, does it matter anyway?
So many times we have silly arguments simply for the sake of the argument. The facts remain and they do not affect our marriage in reality, but we spend endless hours debating our side of an opinion. All that comes out of the debate is hurt feelings. So how does this build up our marriages. Sometimes we just need to just let it go.
Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it”.
Politics is a prime area that we may both be divided or simply the discussion of politics causes anxiety because we have no control of the outcome. We are each impressed by different issues and listen to different information we receive. We process the information differently and form our opinions. Politics is one of those areas that it really doesn’t matter when it comes to our marriages. Sure, there are policies that affect our life, but it doesn’t have a place in our relationship with each other. Political parties or policies are going to change, but it doesn’t define who we are or how we make decisions in life. Most policies are written and voted on without us even noticing.
It doesn’t mean never talk about things such as politics or topics that cause conflict. It is important to evaluate how it relates to our day to day. Is it worth sacrificing our marriage and relationship for something we have no control of anyway?
What then:
Let me dispute some crazy ideas that have been taken from the passage and how it relates. Wives, submitting does not mean walking around with your head low, not speaking unless spoken to, and running around as ordered. It is simply respecting your husband and being an active partner in your marriage. There are times you may not agree, but need to drop an issue simply to encourage a healthy marriage. Voice your opinion, but if your husband’s convictions are that important to him, allow him to hold onto those convictions. Respect his position and move forward. He has heard your opinion, it will perculate in his mind and down the road, as he has collected more information, he may come to embrace your opinion or he may not. Don’t be offended. He does love you and agreeing or disagreeing has nothing to do with his love for you.
Husbands are to Love our wives. This sounds pretty simple, but I will admit sometimes it is not. Consider the word Love. It can hold many meanings. That is why the example included in the passage is so important. It is letting go of ourselves even our life itself for our wives. It does not necessarily mean we need to physically die for our wives, but instead put aside ourselves (attitudes, comforts, opinions, schedules, etc.) for the support, encouragement, and protection of our wives. We need to be willing to protect both their physical body and their emotional body even at the expense of our own. How many times have we wounded or crushed our wives emotionally just to prove “We’re the man.” Yes, wives are told to submit to their husbands, but that doesn’t mean we are to lord over them with military force and authority. How is this loving your wife? We need to approach them with sensitivity of heart. Loving them means partnering together to manage the household and relationship. Loving is communicating together and ultimately taking responsibility for the household. We need to accept responsibility for everything that affects our household, good or bad. We also need to validate the opinion of our wives respecting their opinions and convictions. Showing love is treasuring what makes them who they are.
Last thought: Husbands, be wise in the topics you choose. Don’t just bring up topics because you want to hear yourself talk and prove how knowledgeable you are. Choose topics that are going to encourage your relationship and your wife. And wives, you know what riles us up. Do not poke those buttons to start a fight. Find ways to be creative in your marriage and vary your conversation.
So many times we have silly arguments simply for the sake of the argument. The facts remain and they do not affect our marriage in reality, but we spend endless hours debating our side of an opinion. All that comes out of the debate is hurt feelings. So how does this build up our marriages. Sometimes we just need to just let it go.
Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it”.
Politics is a prime area that we may both be divided or simply the discussion of politics causes anxiety because we have no control of the outcome. We are each impressed by different issues and listen to different information we receive. We process the information differently and form our opinions. Politics is one of those areas that it really doesn’t matter when it comes to our marriages. Sure, there are policies that affect our life, but it doesn’t have a place in our relationship with each other. Political parties or policies are going to change, but it doesn’t define who we are or how we make decisions in life. Most policies are written and voted on without us even noticing.
It doesn’t mean never talk about things such as politics or topics that cause conflict. It is important to evaluate how it relates to our day to day. Is it worth sacrificing our marriage and relationship for something we have no control of anyway?
What then:
Let me dispute some crazy ideas that have been taken from the passage and how it relates. Wives, submitting does not mean walking around with your head low, not speaking unless spoken to, and running around as ordered. It is simply respecting your husband and being an active partner in your marriage. There are times you may not agree, but need to drop an issue simply to encourage a healthy marriage. Voice your opinion, but if your husband’s convictions are that important to him, allow him to hold onto those convictions. Respect his position and move forward. He has heard your opinion, it will perculate in his mind and down the road, as he has collected more information, he may come to embrace your opinion or he may not. Don’t be offended. He does love you and agreeing or disagreeing has nothing to do with his love for you.
Husbands are to Love our wives. This sounds pretty simple, but I will admit sometimes it is not. Consider the word Love. It can hold many meanings. That is why the example included in the passage is so important. It is letting go of ourselves even our life itself for our wives. It does not necessarily mean we need to physically die for our wives, but instead put aside ourselves (attitudes, comforts, opinions, schedules, etc.) for the support, encouragement, and protection of our wives. We need to be willing to protect both their physical body and their emotional body even at the expense of our own. How many times have we wounded or crushed our wives emotionally just to prove “We’re the man.” Yes, wives are told to submit to their husbands, but that doesn’t mean we are to lord over them with military force and authority. How is this loving your wife? We need to approach them with sensitivity of heart. Loving them means partnering together to manage the household and relationship. Loving is communicating together and ultimately taking responsibility for the household. We need to accept responsibility for everything that affects our household, good or bad. We also need to validate the opinion of our wives respecting their opinions and convictions. Showing love is treasuring what makes them who they are.
Last thought: Husbands, be wise in the topics you choose. Don’t just bring up topics because you want to hear yourself talk and prove how knowledgeable you are. Choose topics that are going to encourage your relationship and your wife. And wives, you know what riles us up. Do not poke those buttons to start a fight. Find ways to be creative in your marriage and vary your conversation.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Introduction To Marriage Blog
Some may be offended by my thoughts and opinions, but it is a foundation that you can build from. With over 20 years married to only one person I have some thoughts about how to make your marriage work. I am also open to questions that I will answer to the best of my ability, but understand, this is my opinion and you do not have to agree. I will clearly explain my foundation for building my marriage as well as good advise I have received over the years. I will also include thoughts from my wife as well so that there is a well rounded scope of information.
My desire is to strengthen marriages. Marriage is precious and we have to do everything we can to support each other.
My desire is to strengthen marriages. Marriage is precious and we have to do everything we can to support each other.
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