The Rest of the Team

Two teams on the field competing for the right to be called the winner. Teams made up of strong teens all prepared for this one event. It’s the final game of the season. Sweat and mud covers them all from head to toe. Everyone is tired, but motivated to keep going. The ball snaps and lines crash together. Just modern day gladiators pushing to prove their dominance. The quarterback sends the football aloft, floating on a cushion of air down the field. The Spectators wait, holding their breath, as they watch the play unfold. In the end zone one player waits alone as the ball is cradled into his hands. The announcer’s screaming touchdown over the loud speaker. As the players run off the field, the coach calls the receiver over, pats him on the back and gives him a hearty good job.

Proverbs 31: 28, 29 “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all”.

Just like the game of football, many people are involved in the winning play, but only one or two receive the praise. If anyone had not done their job to the best of their ability, the ending may have been very different. Marriage can be like the game. There are multiple people involved, but often times only one receives the recognition.

When your marriage struggles through hard-times it takes the both of you. Pushing and sacrificing until a goal is reached. There may be times that you both just do what is needed without talking about it. In the end only one person may get the reward. It may mean the promotion at work you have been vying for. It may be a financial success so that you can buy the new boat or motorcycle. It may be a new house or car. How many times as a couple have you pushed together so that the husband can have the pat on the back and the good job? Men seek recognition and an image of accomplishment. This really builds up our egos and helps our fragile self esteem.

The problem is, what about our wives. They have sweated and gotten dirty with us. What have we done to tell them good job as well. What encouragement have they received for their part? I have heard it said their accomplishment and sign of success is their children. Children are an accomplishment, but should not be placed solely on them as their responsibility and sign of their success. Raising children is a responsibility of both parents and in so doing, a sign of both your success. Your wife needs as much support and encouragement for meeting goals and building self esteem as you. If it is education, career, or another goal, you need to work together so both of you succeed. Just as your wife supports rewards of your accomplishments, you need to figure out what she needs as well.

We all need encouragement to build up self esteem. Selfishness just gets in the way of a healthy marriage. Try to look at your life and what you have done for each other. Is it equitable for both of you? What goals are you working on reaching? Is there rewards planed for both of you as well?

Encouragement Verses Strengthening

Consider a weight lifter. In order to build up strength he will repeat the same work out over and over for several days slowly increasing the weight. To increase strength they must go beyond what is a comfortable routine and diligently repeat the exercise. Athletes who are serious about their goal will accept the demands and accountability of a qualified coach. A dedicated support person to help push them through the tough points in order for them to develop and grow stronger, while at the same time making sure they strive for their goal safely.

Romans 5:3-4 “More than that, we rejoice in our suffering, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope…”

I am writing this blog to not only encourage the marriage relationship, but to strengthen it. There is a big difference between these two processes. To encourage a marriage is to simply listen and tell them to keep trying. To strengthen marriage requires you to listen, asses the current situation and then give tools to build the marriage further. There are many people out there who will offer you words of encouragement, telling you to accept your lot in life. Friends may even tell you that you are shackled to your mate or situation because you made the decision to marry them. Encouragement is the simple pat on the back and the room to let you release some of the emotion that has built up. By simply offering encouragement we leave couples in a state of sorrow and frustration.

This blog is to strengthen marriages. Not simply something to read, but to take action in your own life. For a marriage to grow and become stronger takes activity. I hear of so many unhappy relationships where they stay together because that is what the Bible says, but miss the real joy because they are stuck in a cycle. The honeymoon is over and it is all about practical things. They have a roof over their head, food on the table and clothes on their back so they feel they have nothing more they can do. This thinking is all wrong. The Bible offers far more direction for our marriages than that. You need to be constantly developing and building your relationship. Not in a sense of physical strength, but emotional strength and dedication. You have to be active in your marriage and work at it in order for it to grow and become better. The wife that struggles with jealousy or the husband that doesn’t want to go home are signs of an unhealthy marriage. The marriage that is filled with arguments or quiet seclusion shows signs of a suffering marriage. Your marriage cannot always be in a state of tribulation unless you are not willing to accept the joy, growth, and hope that come after that struggle. You need to do the work, embrace the lessons, but accept the joy out of it as well. God has given the example of joy and love throughout His word. A simple example can be found throughout the Song of Solomon. Read it together.

When my wife and I got married, a family friend offered us a simple word of direction for our marriage as we were leaving the church. My wife wrote them down and I want to share them now.

“Water Your Garden”

Your marriage is like a garden. There are seasons of
change, beautiful flowers, weeds and thorns. It needs
water, food, protection, faith, and nurturing to grow.

In a marriage, each person is a garden, and it is the
responsibility of the spouse to water that garden, tend
it and even weed it when necessary. If a husband and
a wife tend each other’s garden faithfully, both will
grow. When we focus on our own garden, weeds will
grow and the relationship will be like an untended
garden, overgrown and sad.

In all gardens, there is a time to sow and a time to harvest.
Some of the most beautiful flowers have thorns, and the
fruit and blooms sprout from unexpected places.

So…remember…Water your garden.

So as I write the daily entries to this blog there is more than simply reading that goes along with it. You need to do the work. Take care of each other and build a stronger joy filled marriage. Push each other through the tough times and embrace each other in the joy of success. The prize is worth the pain if you are willing to go the extra mile.