Look around, envy seems to be the American way. We look around and want all the things others have. We’re always looking for the next fad item, cool electronics, exciting house, or just trying to outdo our neighbors. How many times have you stepped back and gone, “he is so lucky, I wish…?
Proverbs 14:30 “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”
We are all so blessed with the things we have. I have heard so many couples that are having problems simply because of being reactionary and throwing out a comparison. Have you ever made the statement “I wish you were more like…? By desiring the attributes of another person’s wife, an imaginary character from the movies or physical characteristics of someone you’ve seen you give opportunity for hurt in your relationship. Don’t let jealousy and hurt divide your relationship. Focus and care for the blessings you have. Not that desiring to achieve more is wrong, but strive for things for yourself, not because someone else has it.
My wife calls it the Green eyed monster. Don’t focus your thoughts and conversation on another woman. Even if you may not mean to you are giving the impression that you find someone else to be more desirable to you than your wife. Jealousy is in some cases justified and either elicits a fight or flight response. Your wife may separate and become distant to protect themselves emotionally or they may fight to keep you even closer. In some cases it may be because they may be reacting to a woman that is predatory looking to break up your marriage.
Are you placing the importance of things ahead of your relationship? Without even thinking about it we can lose sight of what’s important. By focusing on reaching that next rung on the ladder we may work more hours and focus on social settings more than the things to encourage your marriage and family. Make sure goals and dreams are shared and remember to live. Don’t lose sight on the things that are important together.
Enjoy what you have now.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Husbands - Love is Kind
When we think of love the next word shared to describe love is that it is kind. Webster’s defines kind as having or showing a tender, considerate, and helping nature. So as husbands, we are instructed to love our wives. This in turn means we must be kind to our wives.
Proverbs 11: 17 “A man who is kind benefits himself, but a cruel man hurts himself.”
I know I grew up with a competitive attitude. Whether it was sports, politics, or possessions I was always competing to be the winner. It did not even matter if I cared about what or who I was competing against. Many times I would debate the opposite side simply to be competing so that there was a clear winner and looser even if I didn’t agree with the position I was defending.
How often have we argued with our wives simply to argue? I know the movies imply that arguing is positive, promoting the concept of “make-up sex” or having a barter point for when we want something for ourselves. How many times have we walked away from an argument feeling bad or hurt? In the end nothing positive may come from it at all. Most situations of divorce are simply because of an argument with misunderstandings that never get resolved. How many times were those arguments preventable or not even necessary?
Rather than pushing for an argument that we can win, maybe we might go further in our relationship by being considerate of our wives and their feelings. By being tender, considerate and helping, our relationship is given food to grow. Many studies have shown women are emotional by nature. By feeding their emotions in a positive way we encourage a healthy relationship. Too often we sabotage ourselves by not considering their emotions and reacting to statements without considering the full picture. Our wives may be considering the full impact of a decision and not just the narrow view we are focusing on. Or because of our pride and determination we push to win the argument even though we know we are wrong.
Be slow in decisions and consider all points of view. I know this is very tough for me. I want to make a plan and drive for it without considering the outcome. Many times I make things harder on myself because I fight through my plan until it works or fails miserably, rather than taking the easy way around. Then I have to accept the consequences attached to my decisions.
Being a helper has its own merits. By helping your wife with her burdens, comes great benefit. I know my wife and I both push hard at work as well as at home and anything I can do to take the burden off her makes more time for the two of us together. When I am helpful, I also find our household more at peace when we are running in all the crazy directions we do. Sharing the responsibility of household, children and activities makes it easier to set time aside for each other.
Nurture each other. Practice kindness in your home. Leave competition to when you are playing sports or at work.
Proverbs 11: 17 “A man who is kind benefits himself, but a cruel man hurts himself.”
I know I grew up with a competitive attitude. Whether it was sports, politics, or possessions I was always competing to be the winner. It did not even matter if I cared about what or who I was competing against. Many times I would debate the opposite side simply to be competing so that there was a clear winner and looser even if I didn’t agree with the position I was defending.
How often have we argued with our wives simply to argue? I know the movies imply that arguing is positive, promoting the concept of “make-up sex” or having a barter point for when we want something for ourselves. How many times have we walked away from an argument feeling bad or hurt? In the end nothing positive may come from it at all. Most situations of divorce are simply because of an argument with misunderstandings that never get resolved. How many times were those arguments preventable or not even necessary?
Rather than pushing for an argument that we can win, maybe we might go further in our relationship by being considerate of our wives and their feelings. By being tender, considerate and helping, our relationship is given food to grow. Many studies have shown women are emotional by nature. By feeding their emotions in a positive way we encourage a healthy relationship. Too often we sabotage ourselves by not considering their emotions and reacting to statements without considering the full picture. Our wives may be considering the full impact of a decision and not just the narrow view we are focusing on. Or because of our pride and determination we push to win the argument even though we know we are wrong.
Be slow in decisions and consider all points of view. I know this is very tough for me. I want to make a plan and drive for it without considering the outcome. Many times I make things harder on myself because I fight through my plan until it works or fails miserably, rather than taking the easy way around. Then I have to accept the consequences attached to my decisions.
Being a helper has its own merits. By helping your wife with her burdens, comes great benefit. I know my wife and I both push hard at work as well as at home and anything I can do to take the burden off her makes more time for the two of us together. When I am helpful, I also find our household more at peace when we are running in all the crazy directions we do. Sharing the responsibility of household, children and activities makes it easier to set time aside for each other.
Nurture each other. Practice kindness in your home. Leave competition to when you are playing sports or at work.
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