So many times I hear the age old saying “who wears that pants in your house”? They imply there is a competition over who is in charge of the household. Let me first say there should never be competition in a household. Husbands and wives have responsibilities within a household. The only way things get done is if we work together as a “TEAM”.
Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesians 5:22 “Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord”.
This is probably one of the most misused portions of scripture in both Christian an non-Christian households. It fascinates me how many times non-Christians that do not grasp the significance of scripture can quote the verses regarding the role of husband and wife.
So let’s take this apart a little bit. First of all I am going to address the husband. Your behavior is key to how a household is to run. We are to follow the example of Christ. We are not to be the authoritarian demanding respect and service from our wives. How did Christ lead the church? Throughout scripture Jesus showed love and compassion even before the church chose to follow him even through His sacrifice on the cross before they understood the significance of his love. I am not say you have to martyr yourself so that your wife understands how much you love them, but I am saying you may need to set your own needs and desires aside for your wife's. Christ gained authority and submission from the church by being an example. By sharing words of encouragement, taking some of the burden from others, relieving suffering, and by giving clear expectations He was able to earn respect and the desire of others to submit to Him. We as husbands have to take the first step by offering love; through encouragement, helping lift some of the burden and communicating clearly any expectations. It is important that we consider our own behavior in our marriage and what example we offer. We must show sincere love and commitment first before we can expect submission from our spouse. Jesus did not leave the church with a huge list of rules to live by. In the same way we should not run our own household burdened by a long set of rules. He instead left us with examples of how we can be successful with life. He did not demand, but simply left the church with a choice. Each day is a new day and with that day come new situations and choices we have to make. In our marriage is the same thing. We offer example and direction with simple rules, but we are not here to force our wives to submit. With time we earn the respect and submission of our wives. In some cases where there is clear communication and time during the dating and engagement phase of a relationship this can be a short process. In other cases where the ground work was not put in place, this may be a long process. But every day will offer new situations and with it decision. It is important not to be condemning when they choose their own path.
Wives, I know this is a sticky point. What does it mean to submit to your own husband? As Christians we desire the direction of Jesus as a starting point in life decisions. Jesus is not there with a big stick to beat us every time we choose to do something contrary to his instruction. That being said any time we choose our own way instead of listening to His direction things are just a bit tougher to get through. Submitting to your husband is simply listening to your husband’s direction and decisions. You may disagree and it is healthy to discuss your thoughts, but ultimately, as long as it does not mean putting yourself in harm’s way, you should respect your husband’s ultimate decision. By showing your husband respect and submitting to their authority there is a lot less conflict in your relationship. Remember in a marriage you are not in competition with each other. You are a team. With being a team someone has to lead and someone has to follow. It has nothing to do with who is stronger, faster, or better. It has to do with defining a chain of command so that life’s challenges can be overcome. If there is a competition over who is in authority then you will both be defeated by all the outside pressures of the world.
Husbands and wives need to understand that the world does not want to see healthy marriages. They work to pervert marriage and tear it apart. A lot of emphasis is put on devaluing marriage. It has even become a political issue where politics should hold no bearing simply because they are focused on it as a contract and not as a commitment. In this day and age there is very little commitment to anything. With our lives in a constant state of preparation for transitions; whether it be location, career, or friends it is hard to understand what commitment truly means. We are taught to look for the loophole in the contract and to defer responsibility. This is not the case with marriage. The minute you make vows to each other you have promised each other and God. Marriage is serious and the roles in marriage are serious. If we can work out the roles and commit our lives to each other, our marriages are the better for it.
